Love Understood by Laura Mucha

Author:Laura Mucha
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing

Mifune’s long-term desire was the clear winner at all times other than a critical period that started at 6.00 p.m. on Friday. In this high-risk period, the short-term reward spiked above the long-term, undoing many years of restraint and resulting in several years of shame. During this high-risk period, behavioural economist George Ainslie argues that strategy is critical.

Ainslie suggests a number of strategies to help resist the temptation of short-term reward, although I have to say I’m not convinced that all of them will work in the case of infidelity. It’s not just marshmallows that Mifune is trying to strategise against; she faces something much more irresistible, powerful and dangerous. She has to strategise to protect herself against succumbing to lust.10

Anti-lust strategies

Ainslie’s first strategy is something he calls ‘external constraints’. In Mifune’s example, given that it will be harder to resist temptation once in her friend’s house, she could use ‘external constraints’ to minimise the likelihood of giving into temptation. She could avoid going there in the first place, bring another friend along with her or meet him in a public place.11 This is also a good way of limiting the hot triggers of the mental engine, namely, taste, touch, smell, sound and sight. Children who didn’t look at the marshmallows or pushed them further away were much better at resisting temptation.

Alternatively, she could get other people to discourage her. Before going to his house, she could call a friend who might remind her of the long-term costs of giving in (or physically prevent Mifune from going round). Or she could completely avoid him altogether.

If Mifune makes it to his house, Ainslie would suggest diverting her attention from temptation. So she could consciously focus her attention on the film they are watching rather than focusing on how attractive her friend is. (Let’s hope it’s a fascinating film …)

Finally, she could try to make her decision as to whether to sleep with him or not based on a ‘universal rule’. A number of philosophers recommend this – Immanuel Kant, for example, believed we should make decisions by ‘universals’ not ‘particulars’. Mifune could make her decision based on a rule (‘I don’t sleep with men who are in relationships’) rather than on the circumstances (‘I am feeling lonely and this man is very attractive’).

You’re more likely to stick to a universal rule if it’s unambiguous. In Mifune’s example, ‘not doing anything sexual with someone in a relationship’ might make an easier rule to stick to compared to one that allows ‘everything apart from sex’. The line between sex and nothing is obviously much clearer than the line between sex and ‘everything apart from sex’. It’s much easier to renegotiate the latter. Mifune might think, ‘Well, I’ve come this far, there is not much difference between kissing him and having sex.’ But it’s much harder to run that line of argument when your rule is black and white. And, of course, kissing is likely to trigger the brain’s engine, making it even harder for the mental brakes to kick in.

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